Putting The Pieces Together

I am losing myself I am not who I use to be. As a matter of fact I don't think I ever found myself, I think I was still picking up pieces and trying to paste them to the right spot. I am questioning myself, my mind, and my heart as to who I am and what is my purpose on being here. Because what I remember most is all the pain and disappointment I have experience through out "Life Itself", now don't get me wrong I have had some wonderful moments in my life as well, but why does the bad stick out more then the good? I find myself crying more than smiling, and for those who know me knows I love smiling and laughing. I find myself pushing throughout the day putting on this mask to hide how I really feel. Why, well because I have known and even dated people that have told me "Stick your feeling in your back pocket and sit on them, because no one cares about them". Hurtful right, but most importantly no one wants to hear someone or hear someone complaining all the time or crying all the time. So why not wear this mask?
I know what cause me to mess up....... It was my HEART. I blame it all on my heart. It Just had to be so big and caring, and allowed so many people to walk over it, because it knew two wrong does NOT make a right. Why do I have a big heart? Sometimes its loving to have such a heart, but sometimes I wish it was never there. I don't even know what I expect out myself right now . when you have lost your way "YOURSELF" you loan for that special someone to build you and let you know everything will be okay; And that special person was another piece to that unsolved puzzle, and with that one puzzle piece, the life you was trying to put together started to come together because the One piece helped you remember that you was special and everything will come together. Well that piece was my Love Bunny.(Brandon)

And with him everything felt like it didn't matter. He. Was my own personal dose of herion, he made/makes me feel so high. In the middle of finding myself I ended up finding my "First Love". And he has showed and taught me so much, but unfortunately even with him I still feel lost. Lost but crazy in love with this man who gives me life. But after my last year at Melrose High School it seem like with him everything was starting to go down the drain. And to keep me from going into deep details, there is another girl and twins involved. So instead of a 100 piece puzzle it is starting to feel more of a 1000 piece puzzle. Things are starting to get complicating. So with trying to figure out who I am, I'm also trying to figure out my place in this man heart and life. My mind tells me one thing and my heart tells me another. But who do I listen to? I guess that's something else I would have to figure out... Just ready to put this puzzle together and call it a day. Cause I feel like I am hitting my breaking point and don't know how much longer I can just sit and put the pieces together.